Archive for the ‘Mental Strength’ Category

The weekend’s nearly over and as usual, I’m frustrated that my to do list has barely been touched. Time just flies, but guess more important that we had a wonderful weekend with our girls.

I did just pull out the last bit of energy today and powered through cleaning up our bedroom. A different kind of cleaning. It was time to clean it from looking like someone on bed rest….so gone are all the bed rest trays, the heaps of medical literature and the no longer needed bits….and boy it feels good! Less cluttered and back to “before”.

Exhausted by doing it, I next hit the pillow. I then turn the TV on and start flipping through the channels and stop on an Andre Agassi interview just to catch his answer to a question on what his best advice was in life…to which he answered,

“Push yourself to tired, there’s always something worth it after.”. – I like that.

My strength keeps coming back more and more each day. It does feel good to push yourself for what you want, what you know will make you feel good and I guess just feel in control!

Tomorrow I’m in the hospital.  So, I’ve succumbed to the fact that the house is as clean as it’s going to get, my remaining do list is just going to have to be put down for a bit….and today is a Day of Beauty.  Really!  The line up for today is completely focused on my hair, toes, nails, eyebrows, facial and heck, why not….topped off by a full body massage.

As I get close to the starting line and am getting ready to start the sprint to the end of cancer, the vain side of Sue Ennis kicks in – why not look as best I can?!Again, a morsel of advice from me…and some advice that many heard me say is the approach to take at the first sign of labor when pregnant- heat the curling iron, put on your best body lotions, apply waterproof makeup in between contractions and feel great on this glorious day.

Tomorrow too is a going to have it’s beauty in a different way.  Out with the old, in with the new starts my new beginning….join me if you’d like and make a change you want to tomorrow, any change big or small, you’ll share the strength and prayers coming in from me to you.  Please help me keep the circle of prayer and support solid to help all.

Tonight I went to a healing ceremony at the church I’ve attended for 33 years now.  At first, I thought how strange I never knew these existed, but then again…I guess you find out things as you need them.   

Faith, prayers and an unexplained feeling of greatness, I’m lucky to say, surrounds me.  I cannot say thank you enough to the literally thousands of people I know are already praying for me and all the prayers to come.  I plan to only take in just want I need and be sure to pass on some to others I know need your prayers as well :)

The night at church was tearful at times as I sat with my sister, oldest nephew and niece.  We did not know what to expect, as what started as a typical Catholic mass, ended with true amazement.  The priest asked people to step forward for their healing. Immediately people lined up and some gracefully dropped in the power of what they received.  Literally dropped at the feet of the priest and lay on the carpet in front of the church altar.  I sat frozen and thought, well….I’ll come back in a month’s time and go up.

As I sat in our sort of “back of church” pew, my sister and oldest nephew left to get in line.  Bless them I thought, I’ll go next time.  Next time? Did I not need healing now?  Well, I just was frozen in time.  Reality sure has set in, but I still thought I’d need more healing strength after my surgery and that I had received my blessing for now.  Oh…not the case. 

Within moments, my niece turned to me and said, “OK Auntie, Let’s GO!”   So, we went and added to the line.  I knew her fear was that she might fall back in the spirit…but an endearing woman told her, just tell Christ’s spirit you don’t want to fall over.  Ask and I guess you do receive.

We all received the healing blessing and walked out incredibly lifted, and wonderfully exhausted from the experience.  I plan to go back next month, so watch for the date and I’d love anyone to join us.

Once a year, a group of us all from grammar school go camping.  Been quite a few years going and there’s just something special about “sitting around the campfire”. We are completely all different, but all bound so closely by our school days and the connections we’ve built over the years.  The nightly campfire makes the world seem to stop, the children usually all asleep and we sit and just exhale.  It’s not uncommon to have some still around it from sunset to sunrise, for deepest secrets to be shared, for good news announcements and as needed, issues worked through as a team.

Bruce recreated this setting for me for our Saturday night.  Our outdoor fire pit was jammed up with wood and the flames danced non stop.  We held hands and just stared at the fire.  In a wonderful way, there was not an unheard story to tell and so little left to talk about.  It’s been exhausting for us as you can imagine.  But sitting around the fire under the stars together was just beautiful, quiet and a heart touching in it’s simplicity.  I felt and knew that I was starting to wind down.

ps…to the campers, guess I’ll be one of the stories around the campfire this year…and look forward to getting there to see you all!

Passing the “less than one week away” hit me hard.  Each day became the last of the ones before surgery and treatments. 

Friday this week was shared with a financial planner, life’s housekeeping continued.  Doing tax season I realized what a complex setup we have.  Accounts are all over the place, in one or both names, some in my maiden name, others we are already clueless if they still exist.  Not good on any day.  So we pulled together all the statements we could and went through them.  Ah, what a headache, but a necessary evil…we’ll be more tidy as we go.  Another tip if you wish to do some “life housekeeping”, have a summary of everything you have, where and it’s purpose.

OK, we went from being responsible to …heck, it’s a Friday Night!  So rather than picking up the girls, we called my parents and they were pleased to keep them overnight.  Bruce had a wonderful plan.  He whisked me off to New Haven  to make the most of this Friday night and figured out how to get more housekeeping done with drinks in hand. 

We sat in a wonderful lounge bar — with laptop connected to wi-fi.  Bruce and I went through all our contact lists and started the dreaded task of prep for the mass news email. We had planned to get this out already several times, and have tried to make as many personal calls as possible, but time was now just running out.

We sat amongst Yale college kids, but we were on laptops …Some last calls were made, emails set and tears shed.  But the list was pulled together…with gaps I’m sure, but I’m trying to give up some of the Type A Control Freak nature…and just keep moving along.  We thought through all the wonderful people, blurted out stories, memories and were sure to read each name out load just to have them in our thoughts…and with us in that way. 

Then I turned to Bruce and said, walk to the closet hotel and let’s get a room! Which he did and a lovely corner suite I might add…so, the party continued and we had a glorious last Friday night with cancer.  Only new Friday Nights to come!

To all that we could not reach personally: please stay strong, I’m fine and we all will be fine…it’s terrible news for me to share and be the root cause of sadden in others.  So smile as you know how I’m doing at any point!