Archive for July 12th, 2010

As the possibility of facing cancer hit me, other than Bruce, I and the doctors…. no one knew what I was up against. 

I was adamant that no one know until I was ready to face it, and that took time.  Being a wreck behind the scenes, I shared what was going on with my business partner and close friend.  She and Bruce, lucky for me, took it in sheer denial.  They saw me the most in person, they knew it all. (Thank you for being the real troopers for me)

“Sue couldn’t have cancer, no.”   They said continually, which made it easier for me to not have to console them as I kept my head together.  Both of them witnessed the rounds of “break downs” and “pull it back together”  that happened as I sorted through things to gain control. 

My motto was “I was going to gain control over all things out of my control!”   Cancer can be controlled with high spirits and positive attitudes.  I know that now and only wish I didn’t have one barrier in preparing to hear my diagnosis.  

Let me step back….. and I apologize that for the first time on this website, I will share information that I cannot come to terms with.  Me being so solution based through this all…what I’m about to share hurt me, hurts me now and may do possibly forever.  So, I’m telling you in the hopes that you think twice if you are ever in such a situation. 

Let’s go back to the period of February 25 – April 10, 2010, I was still Sue, business as usual enjoying life..in true Ennis style.   But as the reports started to look more and more grim, we had to start preparing people even before diagnosis was fully confirmed.   

After telling the “next first two people” in mid March, my news leaked ……..and in a error of what I feel was very poor judgement from somone that should know better. 

I was 1000% devastated, sick to my stomach and filled with anger.  Not good.  My process to deal with the looming cancer diagnosis was crushed.  My ability to control cancer’s path and impact, taken away.  Me, my medical information, my life, my family all grossly violated in my eyes.  My ability to hold back tears in front of our 3 and 4 year olds, gone.  I was spitting fire to put it politely.

But I know better….you never, NEVER react in the moment. 

Especially now, at a point of my life where it was most critical to stay positive, I would push myself to find the good in this situation.  So, I waited and used my rule of thumb , if it’s still is bothersome in three days, it’s something to face and deal with if it’s still painful.  (We all know the magic of three days time can work when not a huge issue in the end) 

But, this was real.  And, still upsetting to me today. (Hence why I share now, at the 3 month rule of thumb..if it hurts after three months, it’s even more real..perhaps I’ll be numb to it in 6 months, we’ll see)

So, as the unnecessary leak of my possible cancer news hit, it felt like the media released names in a fatal crash before the family was notified, that others knew before the close knit, loving family knew …

Worse off, we had not received the final news of it being cancer, my mother and father had no clue what was goign on and now others so far removed from my family knew details. 

I’m one tough cookie with thick skin, everyone knows that….I’m not easily offended or quickly shaken and my strength has been tested by the best business bears (that I so admire and they know it)

Also to note, I’ve not a gossip and actually feel 80% of what people tell me is not my business, so I never share further regardless of topic good or bad.    But some people seem to thrive on “being in the know” and it’s the rubber necking society that can’t look away from a bad thing that fuels actions.  I’ll always been saddened by what happened to me, to us. 

My message here to all:   Please respect people’s privacy.  Think twice about what stories you tell that don’t involve you.  Ignore human nature to “gossip”.  When lives are on the line, it’s nothing that you share, especially when you are told in confidence.   Be a good friend. 

That’s the end of my public service announcement.